I always knew I wanted a baby and I know I will make a great mom. Unfortunately, I have never met a guy who would be a husband, or a father, and time is running out! I looked into adoption but then—surprise!—I got pregnant by a married guy I was sleeping with casually. Well, casually for him, but I truly love him.
I really thought my pregnancy might bring us closer (and, truthfully, him closer to a divorce), but he assures me no, he wants no part of this. So I am on my own! I really thought my friends and family would step up and help, but so far my friends are acting distant and my family quite honestly seems appalled. My own brother (who is notoriously cheap) even offered me money for an abortion.
I feel so let down by everyone. I know that is not a good mindset to bring a baby into the world, and I want to be a good mother. But I honestly feel so angry and overwhelmed, and no one is there for me. Is support and love only for those women with husbands, whose babies are part of a plan? Please help me feel less bitter about this.
—Unbitter Baby Mama
Having a baby in order to convince some married guy to leave his wife is akin to jamming toothpicks into both eyeballs in the hopes that it’ll improve your vision. He already has the responsibility and grown-up life at home—that’s what he was trying to escape when he started banging you on the side. He wanted excitement and hot sex and now he has 18 years of financial obligation ahead of him. An obligation that he’s probably going to wind up needing to explain to his wife at some point.
And, really—you expect your family, friends, married boyfriend, and me to believe this is a surprise pregnancy? You don’t mention any big birth control failure, and maybe I’m giving you too much credit, but since you know how to use email, I imagine you also know that when you have unprotected sex, the result is often a squealing little fleshy ball of need. Surprise? No wonder nobody’s onboard with this.
And this potential baby daddy? Instead of making his dreary married life a little more mischievous and fun, it’s now completely turned to shit. Which is not to say this is all your fault; if a man doesn’t want babies (especially if he’s sleeping with someone who has an audible biological clock) he needs to triple-check his seed before he goes spreading it around.
Being a mom when you have a partner is hard enough—being a single mom is rrreeeaaallly hard. Especially when you’re not either independently wealthy or have a Kardashian sex tape fortune to fall back on. And why on earth would you even think for a minute that your friends and family—all of whom have their own lives, complications, and obligations—are going to drop everything to help you raise a baby?
You need to do some hard thinking and figure out if you can do this on your own. People manage all the time, but expecting everyone around you to pitch in is unrealistic. If you’re going to have this kid, quit being bitter about what you’re not getting and try to be grateful for any help you do receive.
Oh, and get a lawyer now—Mr. Married may not want to have anything to do with you or your spawn, but he is legally obligated to help out financially.
I am a lusty, divorced, 41-year-old woman who can’t quite find a partner but refuses to be celibate in the meantime. As you know, good, steady dick is hard to find—any guy will screw you once, but keeping them around?
So I’ve been out there looking and here are my options: a single, 26-year-old who is smart, handsome, funny, charming and very enthusiastic but (let’s be honest) not that great in the sack. Obviously I am his token cougar experience but whatever—younger guys. He seems smitten and enjoys our arrangement.
The other option is a handsome, attached 51-year-old who is sex wizard—we’re talking multiple orgasms and more. I am not crazy about being some man’s dirty secret, but he doesn’t have boyfriend potential anyway.
Neither one is relationship material, but I have fun with both. However, I really just want one guy I am sleeping with. It might almost take care of itself if one bowed out, but they both just keep coming back. They don’t know about each other, but I keep my life so compartmentalized, I don’t think that will be a problem. Which one should I choose?
—Don’t call me Cougar!
Back when I was single, I was always trying to master the art of “dating” more than one guy at a time. It would occasionally happen for a week or two, but inevitably one (or both) of them would always dump me before I could get too cocky about it. So my advice is to keep both of them around. You have young and hot for arm candy/ego gratification, and old and talented for serious screw time.
So ride this wave for as long as you can, because young guys are flaky and taken guys have a way of getting busted: it’s not going to last forever.
And remember not to get pregnant. because nobody’s going to help you raise that kid.
Questions? Send them to dategirl@stackeddmagazine. com