I am broke. I was already broke before I got laid off a couple of months ago. I am also fat. I’ve been fat since my parents got divorced and I ate all my feelings. I’m adorable and I love being fat and fashionable. It’s not always easy, but when you put together a hella cute outfit and get a million compliments it’s all worth it.
So, obviously, I like to thrift shop. Because it’s so fucking fun. …and again with the poorness. It’s always a low risk, high stakes treasure hunt – you’re like a lady Indiana Jones, only instead of the Holy Grail you’re rewarded with an ironic, puffy paint cat sweatshirt. I’ve learned I can absolutely go into Value Village or Goodwill with $25 and come out with three bangin’ outfits.
Let me share my knowledge with you:
1. Blouses that are too big for you are your hot jam. I always look in the XXL+ section and find oversized blouses. Because if you can find a cute dress to wear them under or a high-waisted skirt to sport them with you’re golden. All of the tops here are from that section.
2. I always look at dresses. That’s usually my #1 stop. I don’t even wear pants…because they’re tools of the devil. Don’t stick to just your size section. Go down a few sizes because if they’ve got elastic waists you can usually still rock ’em!
3. Never be scared to bling the fuck out. I always scope out the formal wear section and keep my crow senses sharp so I can find the sequins and gems. I love being fat and sparkly and weird. Try it. You’ll love it.
So go forth and try on weird outfits. Wear shit that’s mad tight and covered in glitter…because, fuck it.
Grand total: $24.96 before tax