Our monthly column about keeping it locked down…
I’ve never had sex.
Before you snicker, let me clarify that I am a fairly attractive, confident twenty-year-old with a healthy libido and a relatively low amount of emotional baggage. It’s just that dating is unfailingly traumatic and I developed said libido during the age of Tinder and OkCupid.
Scratch that, dating isn’t terribly traumatic, the pick-up lines on Tinder are. It’s incredibly awkward to be subjected to sexual puns from complete strangers.
Back to the virgin thing. When do you explain to someone that, hey, you really didn’t have the time or inclination to give it up in high school? On your first date? Nah, you’re still in the delightful stage of getting to know them. The third one? At that point they’re trying to get into your pants . You’re screwed (or not, as the case may be).
I’ve been polling my peers for their opinions on when to talk to your partner about sexual experience (or in my case, lack of). On an extremely liberal college campus, the most common answer is apparently don’t tell them. At all. I have problems with that – isn’t it dishonest? A breach of trust? Potential ruiner of actual consent dialogue? Am I overly concerned about open, honest communication and the consent narrative? Is it actually possible to be too concerned about consent?
Naturally, some of my friends feel the need to comment. I’m “intimidatingly confident.” I “look like I already have a boyfriend.” “You’re a virgin? But you just gave me advice on hydration before heavy duty scenes.” Umm, just be thankful that thirteen-year-old me was a little too intrigued by the Sexuality Portal on Wikipedia and went thoroughly through every last kink.
So far, I haven’t had the virgin talk with anyone. The people that I end up going on dates with tend to show up during life’s busiest times and we drift apart quickly. Nothing serious for the most part, which meshes with my serious case of workaholism that borders on ‘unhealthy.’
Sooo…How do you date when you’re a virgin? I like to think the way most people do, but let’s be honest – sex is a key part of many romantic relationships. It affects how you think about that person, whether it be flavored with lust or disgust. Until I find the right partner though, sex will stay off the table. My body, my choice.